Today I want to focus on how you as a coach can better manage your players emotions after a defeat while helping them to build confidence.
After talking to hundreds of coaches this last year, I have observed some recurring things that have been happening with coaches after their teams lose games.
Today I am going to share those observations with you and some shifts you can make as a coach to help your players build confidence without game results straining their development.
Growing up, I had a U18 coach who was REALLY invested in my development. Although my team at the time struggled to win games, my coach would always find the positives in us which motivated the team to keep playing for him. When we played well, things were great between the coach and my teammates. BUT when we didn’t perform well, things between us were not good and it wasn’t a pleasant environment to be in.
At that time, we managed to reach the U18 county cup final for the first time which was played at the home ground of a local professional soccer club called Barnet Football Club here in London. Unfortunately, after an amazing team performance we lost the game 1-0. We were all heart broken and very emotional after the game, some of my teammates were in tears while others were arguing between themselves.
I don’t want a negative result to affect your relationship with your players. I want you to be able to have a good relationship with your players even after a painful defeat like ours.
Here are 3 observations to help better manage your players emotions after a defeat:
#1: Remain calm
Your players won’t listen to you if you yell at them, BUT they will listen to you if you allow their emotions some time to settle after the game before you do your post game team talk. We all know that yelling creates more yelling. So, instead of yelling at your players I want you to try to remain calm and use a tone of empathy when talking to them.
Remain calm when you’re with them: Observe, acknowledge and appreciate them all for their efforts.
#2: Focus on the positives
After a defeat emotions will be high and so will negativity. A lot of players will be focused on what they didn’t do rather than what they did do. When your players do this I want you to remember that they are crying out for you to say something positive about their performance. When you focus on what the team didn’t do, your players will perceive this as them not being good enough.
Maybe they weren’t good enough on that day.. It happens. But, after a defeat most players will be feeling bad about themselves for the result, which means we need to shift their mindset to focus on the positives they did rather than on the negatives.
#3: Communicate
When I was playing youth soccer, my U18 coach was a great communicator. He was very honest with all of us when it came to our performances. He never blamed any individual player for a defeat, instead he treated both a win and a loss the same way. He made us all understand that when we worked well together we had the ability to do anything we wanted. But, if we chose to play as a team of individuals it would be harder to win games. He would always reaffirm this to us in every communication he had with us, which made us stronger as a unit.
I challenge you to ask your players more questions during training sessions and after games. Have more conversations with them on an individual basis about their development. Ask them, “What can I do to support you in becoming a better player, have more fun, and achieve your goals?” Open up the door to have the conversation!
Another important thing I want you to remember is that you must learn to release control of the outcome as the coach. If you want your players to get more confident, you must teach them how to win and how to lose. A coach can do all they can, give their players all the resources and tools, but it all comes down to allowing your players to take full control of the game.
When your players leave the field feeling they played their best and gave it their all, even after a defeat. Your team will begin to develop resilience, which means they begin to recover quicker after defeats instead of letting the result affect their confidence for the rest of the season.
I want you to check out a resource that has really helped my confidence as a coach called Soccer Coaches University. You will find already done-for-you session plans to SKYROCKET Your Teams’ Passing, Confidence, Accuracy and Pace FAST!
Talk soon,
Coach Leonardo Capparelli
Leadership Skills Coach, Coaches Training Room
p.s… A little about me… I’m from Argentina but raised in the United Kingdom and have been coaching over 10 years now. I am the owner of The Football Domain Academy in London and have a range of qualifications from the English Football Association. My passion is helping and educating coaches on how to build winning team cultures.
